If your son or daughter doesn't feel comfortable talking to you right away, or if you don't feel comfortable talking about it right away, try consulting another gay person or organization (ex PFLAG).
Imagine talking in the context of who you would prefer having sex with with your parents. It's important to note that sexuality can be a very private thing. This one is key. Getting comfortable with your kid's sexual identity demands conversation but there are some key tips to follow. Your issues as a parent do deserve attention, but shelving it for a while helps as you and your kids adjust to a new dynamic. While their reaction is far better than shipping your kid off to reparative therapy it still puts the focus on them and their issues. Scott's parents are probably feeling bad that they didn't foster a gay-positive environment and are feeling a little guilty about their son suffering in silence. Scott gives a prime example telling me his parents were: ".embarrassed I didn't feel comfortable telling them sooner," adding, "They don't trust me as much because they're sceptical that I was hiding a big part of myself before coming out." This is a prime example of making it about yourself. But whatever you are going through, your son or daughter is likely going through something more intense and important. Often mothers and fathers need time to adjust, be re-educated and mourn the loss of expectation they had for their kid. For some, it ends up being the most important moment in their lives. I love you.'"Ĭoming out is a big deal in a gay person's life. It translates to 'I love you even though you are gay' as if gayness were an illness or aberration." As for a suggested alternative? "How about just 'Thank you for telling me. But as Scott points out there is a subtext: "Saying 'I love you no matter what' suggests that your kid's gayness is something to be overlooked in the name of love. This seems like a nice thing to say and it's something you will see a lot of in dramatizations on TV. Be patient and let your gay souffle finish cooking before you open the oven door.ĭON'T: Say "I still love you no matter what"
Coming out and being outed are two very different things. It's important to remember you can't force someone out of the closet. Don't say anything disparaging that would make your son/daughter hesitate/reconsider coming out." Scott says: "Casually mention your support of LGBTQ individuals in general should it come up naturally.
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It can be as easy as reacting kindly or expressing affinity toward gay people in the news or on TV too. Instead of assuming someone has a boyfriend or girlfriend, use more gender-neutral terms like 'so is there anyone at the party that you like?' or 'Is your friend so-and-so dating someone new?' Don't assume everyone in the world is straight, and your kids will feel less out of place in your home." If you feel your child may be gay, one of the most important things you can do is create a gay-friendly environment, you just don't have to be obvious.Īs Marie so wisely says: "Create a sense of diversity/openness in your home where your kids can feel comfortable if they are questioning. Instead, rely on your instincts as a parent. Little Jimmy can be swishy and end up straight, and just because little Molly loves softball doesn't mean she loves other ladies. Stereotypical mannerisms, dress and interests aren't always a steadfast indicator your offspring is a friend of Dorothy. Homosexuality comes in all shapes and sizes.
I got together with two new generation gays (Marie and Scott) at Canada's top secret gay headquarters (Starbucks) to get their take on modern dos and don'ts for parents with gay kids coming out. But don't worry parents! I've got a big gay guide to help you out. Coming out is a crucial juncture that can often make or break the child-parent relationship. However, even for modern, progressive parents, there are blunders that can cause unnecessary and often unintentional hurt. These increasingly open examples of a normalized homosexual adulthood are giving young gay men and women the courage to be honest and open about their sexuality, and are changing the opinions of the people they are coming out to. According to Statistics Canada, the number of same-sex families standing up to be counted shot up 42.4 per cent between 20. More gay people are coming out and coming out earlier than ever before in this country. This article was originally published Apand was updated June 1, 2020.